Thoughts of Leaving

Last night, I dreamt of a movie ticket that was in my hand. As all dreams are, I don't have the slightest idea where that ticket came from. I never got to look around where I was in my dream. It was only the movie ticket that I paid attention to. Then I recall looking at it, then the scene became black and I was awake.

Baffled and wanting to find answers, I googled what this meant. This has been my habit everytime I remember my dreams and does not know its meaning. Often times, I really do not know what they mean. That's why I often look for its definition online.

According to the Dream Dictionary, to see a movie ticket in your dream signifies the start of a new endeavor. This means you have decided on your paths and goals in life. To dream a movie ticket represents your need to be more objective in your decisions and goals in life.

I tried to understand what this means and looked hard in where I am right now in my life. Being a year older than last year, I cannot help but re-assess where my life is right now and where I want it to go. Last night before I slept, I was loosely listing down all the things that I wanted to accomplish in the next 2 years. It includes what I wanted to buy, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. It has something for myself and for my family. However after juxtaposing it with my current resources, it seems not doable. I need to have another job to help me fulfill those dreams and make them a reality. These dreams are not grand but they are not also cheap.

I then thought and asked myself, should I then leave? But leave and go where? I have a pending Canada application for Skilled Immigration already but decided to put it on hold for the meantime since I am still contented with what I have here in the Philippines. I have never thought of working back in Davao City. It's not that Davao is less metropolitan than Manila. It's just that I made a very conscious decision way back in college that after I graduate I will not be working in Davao City but in Manila or outside of the country. I have been in Davao for 20+ years of my life already and I would want to experience a new life outside of it. But one thing is for sure, Davao will be my haven when I retire. Singapore then? But I have second thoughts going there. It seems so near. If I should go out, I want it to be far far away from the Philippines.

Why then do I want to leave? 
Is it to earn more? Is it to see more? Or is it to forget more?
The answer probably is a mix of the three. 

So what then stops me from leaving?
My family. My mom asking me to stay first. My siblings. My dream of studying law and becoming a lawyer in the Philippines. My P&G career. The comforts of living in your country, wherever you are in it. My friends, wherever they are. My life in the Philippines.

If I am leaving the country, I want it for good and no turning back. If there is something that I am consistent, it is the courage to start anew even if it means strange and difficult.

When am I leaving the country then? 
I am giving myself another 2 years.